Another aspect that makes social interaction so difficult for you is unpredictability. You have developed a hyper-awareness of tone, words, and facial expressions. As I mentioned earlier, you had to in order to survive the abuse. You learned to read every micro-expression, every slight change in voice, and every shift in body language because those were your early warning signs of danger. This hyper-awareness does not just turn off when you are in recovery. So when visitors come, you’re constantly scanning, analyzing, and on high alert. You cannot relax and simply enjoy the conversation or interaction because your nervous system is still stuck in survival mode.
You have also outgrown the need to pretend to be normal. You have realized that normal often means accepting toxic behavior, putting up with disrespect, and prioritizing other people’s comfort over your well-being. You’re done with that. Your home represents freedom from all of that. It is where you can finally breathe, where you can process your healing, and where you can exist without having to manage anyone else’s emotions or expectations. When visitors come, even well-meaning ones, it disrupts that peace and brings back all those old patterns of having to perform, to be on, and to manage other people’s experiences.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse is not just about healing from the past; it’s about learning to protect your energy and space in the present. That’s what I call stabilization—phase one of healing. For many of us, that means being very selective about who we let into our homes, both inside and outside. This isn’t about being antisocial or rude; it’s about honoring your needs and maintaining the boundaries that keep you safe and sane. I teach a lot more about this in my membership program called Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse. Right now, it’s closed for enrollment, but you can sign up for the waiting list. The link is in the description. I will talk to you in the next one.
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