You also have serious concerns about your personal space being invaded. You worry about safety and security in ways that may seem extreme to others but make perfect sense when you understand your background, your trauma, and your adaptations. You fear visitors won’t treat your pets well or that someone may mishandle something in your home and cause damage. It’s not OCD; many of us develop very specific safety worries. You imagine visitors using the gas stove incorrectly and starting a fire or handling electrical equipment improperly and causing a short circuit, or accidentally injuring your pets while playing with them. These are not just random anxieties; they stem from never feeling safe around anyone. Nobody in your life has provided the kind of support that fosters trust, so trusting new people in your space feels incredibly difficult.
Even simple social interactions become exhausting for you. Just saying hi and hello or giving someone a hug feels like climbing a mountain. If those basic interactions drain you completely, imagine how hard it is to host guests all day—carrying a smile, being welcoming and warm, preparing food, making conversation. It’s honestly not possible for many of us because we’re already running on empty.
You also feel a sense of powerlessness when people visit. It reminds you of feeling trapped in your abusive relationships, as if you do not have a voice or choice in what happens when no one else is in the house. When you are alone, you can finally just be yourself. You may have clothes piled up, things not perfectly organized, and that’s okay because nobody is there to judge you. They do not know what you have been through. But when visitors come, you feel pressured to perform, to organize, to present this perfect version of yourself. You just cannot do that anymore.
Something those who have not experienced narcissistic abuse do not understand is that you have developed an incredible ability to see through people’s facades. In today’s world, whether narcissistic or not, I genuinely believe that five or six people out of ten act nice but are deep down manipulative. It’s not paranoia; it’s how things function right now. The official number of people diagnosed with NPD may look much lower, but in reality, there are millions of people walking around acting nice while hiding their true nature. You can see this even when someone is smiling at you; you notice how that person stares, the energy they carry, the subtle signs that reveal who they really are. You have been trained by your abuse to pick up on these signs. So when you sense that kind of negative energy, you absolutely do not want it in your home. You have worked too hard to create a peaceful space to let that toxicity back in.
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