That is the reason you struggle. It’s not that you are antisocial or a loner; none of that is true. You’re not shy either. There is something deeper happening, which we are going to understand today. I’m Danish, a narcissistic abuse recovery professional. Welcome to my channel. We are going to explore why survivors of narcissistic abuse dislike having visitors at their homes. Before we get started, make sure you’re subscribed. Click that subscribe button because your subscription helps spread awareness about narcissistic abuse.
When you step outside your home, everything becomes a potential trigger. Loud noises can remind you of the shouting matches you survived. Gatherings can feel overwhelming because they bring back memories of being criticized in front of others. Even random things you see can take you back to specific moments from your abusive relationship or childhood trauma. Your home becomes a sacred space. When someone visits and brings their own energy into that space, you genuinely dislike it. There is suddenly loud noise disrupting your peace. Your privacy gets invaded, and that safe bubble you have created gets disrupted. At home, you can finally do whatever you want without anyone judging you. That’s huge for someone who has been criticized and controlled for a long time. But when visitors come over, all these old fears resurface. You start worrying that someone will judge how you clean your house, whether things are organized the right way, or find something to devalue. You have spent your whole life being judged in one way or another, haven’t you? So, you really do not want any of it anymore.
I’ll give you a personal example. Whenever my family would gather for dinner, everyone would sit around the dining table having conversations, and I would get triggered because the dining table felt like a war zone. Every breakfast and dinner had some kind of fight happening. So even when there is just a normal discussion now, it takes me back to those moments, and I self-regulate. I bring myself back to the present moment and tell myself I am safe. What I fear could happen is not happening now. It’s a different environment, a different place, and a different space. That is exactly how you heal trauma through intentionality. These small triggers are everywhere for survivors, and unfortunately, visitors may not understand that.
Another challenge you face is that you do not want to perform anymore. You are not in a state where you can welcome someone with fake enthusiasm. Maybe you feel exhausted to the bone. Perhaps you prefer solitude now. You want to live on your own terms without having to put on a show for anyone. Throughout your abusive relationship, you watched your narcissistic partner fake being nice to strangers all the time. The narcissist would suddenly become an amazing person, helping others with money and being super generous just to gain validation. For you, watching that kind of fake behavior became nauseating. So now, if you do not genuinely feel like welcoming someone, you are not going to put on a mask and pretend. You’re done with that kind of performance.
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