Can a narcissist truly forget their behavior? Like the mean, awful things that they’ve done to you—do they actually forget it? Is that something that really happens? Have you ever wondered if a narcissist genuinely forgets or simply erases those memories? Do they have the capacity and capability to ignore or even dismiss the harm they’ve caused you?
Often, in a narcissistic relationship, you might encounter someone who says, “Yeah, I don’t remember that,” or “That didn’t happen.” This can make you doubt yourself, leading you to wonder if maybe they just have memory problems or are struggling with certain aspects of it. You start to question whether they actually know what they’ve done or if they’re genuinely erasing those memories.
In this article, we’re going to explore concepts like memory suppression and how they relate to narcissistic behavior. What does that actually look like? Is there genuine memory loss? What’s really going on? We’ll discuss some reasons why a narcissist might forget their abusive actions and what it means for you.
Jumping right in, consider the concept of memory suppression as a defense mechanism. What if the mind suppresses certain memories to avoid accountability or discomfort? We often see this with survivors who struggle to remember things or process experiences due to memory suppression. Typically, they find it hard to recall the bad times. You might think everything in the past was amazing with the narcissist, remembering only the good times, while the memories of how they belittled you or yelled at you seem to disappear.
The trauma might not feel as bad in your memory. Some of it is hidden, some of it automatically suppressed. Our bodies do this as a natural response to trauma. This is why practices like EMDR and EMI exist—to help you engage with and heal parts of you that might be too painful to access.
Narcissists sometimes use memory suppression to protect their self-image and avoid feelings of shame and guilt. It’s not merely about hiding or erasing memories; it’s about suppressing what might challenge their self-perception. They project an image of who they want to be rather than confronting who they actually are.
When you bring up a topic that triggers their shame, they may deny it, claiming, “That never happened,” which can lead you to doubt your own memory. A narcissist might forget instances of abuse to avoid responsibility.
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