Now, let’s move on to number three: misplaced priorities. When you’re dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to put your emotional needs first and forget about the practical stuff like cleaning. You might feel like tackling your feelings is more important than tidying up your space, and that’s totally okay. As psychologist Dr. Judith Orloff says, “Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential.” Taking the time to process your emotions is important, but remember that a messy environment can also weigh you down emotionally. Start with small tasks when you feel up to them; just a few minutes of cleaning can help create a more peaceful space, making it easier for you to focus on your emotional healing.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Now, let’s continue to number four: feeling overwhelmed by belongings. When you have too much stuff around you, it can feel like your mind is just as cluttered, and that’s totally normal if you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse. All those belongings can create a mental block that makes it hard to even think about cleaning. As Marie Kondo, the queen of tidying up, says, “The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.” But when you’re overwhelmed, that happiness is about as easy to find as a matching sock in that pile. To make it easier, start with a drawer or a shelf, and as you clear things out, you might find it helps clear your mind.
Emotional Triggers
You shouldn’t miss number five: emotional triggers. When you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, some of your belongings can act like emotional landmines, triggering memories of past trauma. Seeing a certain item might suddenly bring back feelings you’d rather avoid, making cleaning feel impossible. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says, “The body keeps the score,” meaning those memories are stored in your body and can come rushing back with the wrong object. As a result, you might find yourself avoiding cleaning altogether. Consider this tip: start by focusing on items that feel safe or neutral for you. Little by little, you can create a space that feels comfortable without being overwhelmed by the past.
Inconsistent Routines
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