Today I am going to tell you why the narcissist deeply regrets bullying the self-raised woman. You have to understand why the narcissist chooses her in the first place. He does not choose her because she looks weak. No, he chooses her because she is a super-functioner. He sees a woman who can handle almost anything. She pays the bills, fixes problems, and manages crises without breaking a sweat. He looks at her and thinks, “This is the perfect supply. She will carry me just like she carried her parents.” And initially, he is right. The self-raised woman has an incredibly high pain threshold. She was trained and groomed to believe that love equals work. She was taught that to be loved, she has to be useful.
So initially, she tolerates his nonsense—the subtle put-downs, the shifting plans, the emotional unavailability. She may not complain because, to her, chaos feels like home. But this is where the narcissist makes his biggest fatal error—he mistakes her resilience for submission, which it is not. He thinks that because she can handle the pain, she will handle it forever. He believes she is weak because she stays. She’s not staying out of weakness; she only stays out of familiarity. She is observing and giving him the same chance she gave her parents. But unlike a child, a grown woman has limits. A child has nowhere to go, but a self-raised woman has options.
When she finally realizes that he’s just another version of the parent she already survived, something changes. Something clicks off in her brain. The tolerance evaporates. He pushed the super-functioner too far and forgot that the same strength she used to carry him is the same strength she will use to throw him out. He thought he broke a horse; he actually woke a dragon. And when he realizes he cannot control her with chaos, he tries to control her with reality. He tries to gaslight her.
Gaslighting and Silent Treatment
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