Why a Narcissist can Stay Married for decades

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If narcissists are easily bored, if they need different sources of supply, if they chase and seek novelty, why do some of them stay in long-term relationships or marriages that last 10 years or more? What’s going on? Are they driven by the guilt of abusing their partner, telling them, “Okay, now that you have abused them for a long time, you have to stay committed; you have to stay in that relationship”? What do they want and why does this happen? Well, let’s find out in today’s episode. I am Danish, a narcissistic abuse recovery professional, your host, and today we are going to talk about why a narcissist can stay married for 10 years or more.

The short answer to why a narcissist stays married for more than 10 years is simple: they are getting something from you that they cannot get elsewhere. Now, that something varies across the board. It depends on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with and what their biggest unfulfilled need is. For example, some narcissists turn their partners into their parents; you are forced to become their mommy 2.0 or daddy 2.0, fulfilling every wish and demand unconditionally. But the narcissist accepts that selfishly, without realizing that there is a real need for reciprocity. Other narcissists stay in long-term relationships if there’s money involved, inheritance, or if there is a chance for them to destroy this person inside out, to eat them alive until they’re left a shell of themselves, and then the narcissist leaves with everything. Have you heard of that wasp that lays an egg in another insect’s body, and that egg grows inside into a larva? The larva feeds on this alive insect, the host body, and then finally, when it comes out, it leaves the body of the insect like a shell. The larva then develops into a fully grown wasp. This is the exact relationship this type of narcissist builds with its victim, with its target.

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