When narcissists lose their scapegoat—such as when someone cast in the role of the family scapegoat in a dysfunctional or abusive family system finally breaks free, begins to heal, and leaves their toxic family of origin for good—several predictable things occur.
To clarify, the scapegoat is the person blamed, shamed, and criticized—often mercilessly—for everything that goes wrong within a relationship or family dynamic. Scapegoats are made to feel solely responsible for the quality of their relationships with parents, primary caregivers, and other authority figures like older siblings, aunts, or uncles. Even as children, scapegoats are blamed when they are bullied or targeted by adults in dysfunctional family systems.
If there are problems in the relationship, they are always attributed to the scapegoat, regardless of how poorly the scapegoat has been treated or how much they’ve been abandoned, neglected, or abused. Scapegoats often struggle with issues like anxiety, depression, low self-worth, impostor syndrome, and sometimes even substance abuse.
When you’re the family scapegoat, you may have been neglected—or outright abandoned—by your parents. Others in the dysfunctional family system had unfettered access to you because no one protected you, or those who should have were too ignorant, distracted, or unwell themselves.
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