The most painful aspect of the second defeat is that it looks like they are winning. While they are doing everything I explained earlier, the legal battle may feel endless, and the financial pressure may become unbearable. The smear campaign may actually turn people against you temporarily. You may lose sleep and friends, and feel drained. Many people I have worked with describe this phase as feeling pinned down with no air to breathe. This is exactly what the narcissist wants; they want you exhausted because this battle can go on for years. They want you scared and cornered so that you give up, break down, or return to them out of fear. This is why the second defeat is so different. It’s not a one-time blow like the first; it’s a prolonged psychological war. It can last months, and sometimes even years. But that’s not where the story ends.
Many survivors defeat the narcissist a second time. How? By flipping the script during the narcissist’s revenge campaign. They do this by not reacting emotionally and responding strategically. They seek legal help and wisely use everything they have documented. They do not fall for the narcissist’s provocations and stop defending themselves to people who have already chosen to believe the lies. Instead, they redirect their energy from panic to preparation and delivering the blow. They stop trying to prove their innocence to flying monkeys, as that is not where this battle is fought. Instead, they build a strong foundation behind the scenes. They become unpredictable and make solid moves that expose the narcissist’s lies where it matters. One day, their elaborate plan collapses.
The legal system may eventually expose their fabrications if you fight them well. Their false witnesses may crumble under questioning. Their smear campaign may lose momentum when people start getting bored or see through the inconsistencies. Financially, they may get exposed to such an extent that they are forced to give you your fair share. Psychologically, they see that you are no longer feeding the drama. This is the second defeat I’m talking about. It’s not always public, but it is devastating for them. This is when the true collapse happens.
The Narcissist’s Collapse
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