Now fast forward to the discard. Either you leave them, or they leave you, but you’re no longer together. Yet, their presence lingers in your mind because you’re heavily trauma-bonded and struggling with cognitive dissonance. The pain feels unbearable. You miss the person they pretended to be in the beginning, and a part of you wonders if they’re missing you too. So you decide to send them a message—not directly, of course. Instead, you craft the perfect post on social media.
This is where you make the biggest mistake. Your post is designed to show them how well you’re doing. Maybe it’s a glowing selfie with friends, a shot of you at a fancy dinner, or even a picture of two wine glasses on a table without any explanation. You think this will make them see what they’ve lost.
But here’s what actually happens:
- They feel a twisted sense of satisfaction. Why? Because they know you’re still emotionally tied to them. That post, as happy and confident as it might appear, screams “I’m still thinking about you” to them. This provides them with negative supply—a form of validation that, even in separation, they still control your emotions.
- They perceive your post as a challenge. Narcissists don’t see your happiness as genuine; they see it as an attack on their ego. To them, your post says, “Look, I’m thriving without you,” and that threatens their need to feel superior.
In response, they might retaliate. Maybe they post their own carefully curated pictures with their new supply, turning their social media into a highlight reel of their “amazing” life. Or worse, they might reach out to you—not because they miss you, but to pull you back into their orbit. They may send a cryptic message like, “Glad to see you’re doing so well,” designed to confuse you and make you second-guess your progress.
In either case, you lose. If they react, it’s not because they care—it’s because they want to maintain control. If they don’t react, you’re left staring at your phone, waiting for a sign that will never come.
Why It Doesn’t Work
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