So, what do they want now? Let’s take a closer look. First, they want a sign that they still exist in your world. The narcissist thrives on being seen. Whether in the spotlight or in the shadows, attention is the air they breathe. Silence unsettles them; indifference destroys them. So they test the edges, poke at your peace—a late-night message, a reaction to an old post, a random appearance that doesn’t feel so random. It’s not affection; it’s not longing. It’s a probe, a signal sent out to see if they still register on your radar. They’re not trying to reconnect out of love; they’re desperate to know that they still haunt you.
Every flicker of your attention matters. Even your silence feeds the fantasy that they still matter. It’s a chance to rewrite the story in your mind. Truth terrifies the narcissist, and you, dear soul, carry the truth like a sword. You saw the cracks, felt the lies, tasted the poison of manipulation, and spit it out. That’s why they come back—not to own what they did, but to rearrange the narrative. They’ll downplay, act as though the past was a misunderstanding. All of it is a performance crafted to make you doubt your memory and soften your stance. They don’t want forgiveness; they want the illusion of their greatness to survive. If they can make you see them differently, they can believe it again themselves.
Second, they want a way to keep you quiet because you know too much. You walked away with something the narcissist fears more than anything: exposure. You hold the keys to the truth behind their mask—the control, the cruelty, the lies. And that makes you dangerous. They might not say it out loud, but the thought of you telling your story makes their soul tremble. So they hover, linger, and drop kindness like bait, hoping to keep you in a fog. Because if you stay confused, you’re less likely to speak. And silence for them is safety. They fear what you could reveal—not just to others, but to yourself. Because once you fully embrace what you survived, they can no longer twist the past.
Third, they have a need to win what was never a game. There’s something deeply unsettling about the way the narcissist views life—not as a journey of connection, but as a scoreboard of power. Even when the season’s over, when the stadium is empty and the lights are off, the narcissist still tries to win. They can’t stand the idea of being the one who was walked away from. So, even if years have gone by, even if the world has changed and you’re standing in a brand new life, the narcissist circles back like a ghost that refuses to rest. But this isn’t love calling; this isn’t reconciliation knocking. It’s the craving to prove that control still exists. If a single look from the narcissist can rattle your peace, if a message can stir up that old anxiety, if they can shake your confidence just once, they’ll call it a victory. To the narcissist, every reaction you give—even a glance—feeds the hunger to feel superior again.
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