You might think you’d see it coming if a narcissist was falling apart—loud outbursts, dramatic scenes—something that would draw your attention. But here’s the thing: the collapse of a narcissist isn’t always a spectacle. It doesn’t have to be explosive, loud, or even noticeable right away. In fact, a narcissist can be crumbling to pieces right in front of you while still holding tight to their illusion of control.
They don’t need to look like they’re falling apart. They can be high-functioning and simultaneously disintegrating, and that’s exactly what makes their silent collapse so dangerous. You see, as they try to maintain their perfect mask, cracks start showing up in subtle ways. It’s not always obvious, but you’ll feel it.
Today, I’m going to pull back the curtain and reveal five alarming signs that show a narcissist is silently falling apart.
Sign One: A Shift in Their Style of Dress
A narcissist, for all their flaws, is obsessed with control, and a big part of that control comes from how they present themselves. They carefully curate their image to ensure they are admired and seen as flawless. But when they start to crumble, you’ll notice something odd happening with their clothes. It won’t be obvious at first, but their appearance starts to slip. Maybe they’re wearing mismatched clothes, neglecting grooming, or showing up in the same outfit day after day.
I saw this happen with my narcissistic uncle before he passed; he went from immaculate to disheveled in a heartbeat. Other times, they might go the opposite route, overdressing as if it’s a desperate attempt to reclaim the attention they feel slipping away. But it’s not about fashion; it’s about control. When a narcissist is still standing strong, their appearance is always polished. When they’re falling apart, that polish starts to fade. You might also see them obsessing over a specific look, dressing for meetings every day even when it’s unnecessary, or wearing casual clothes to formal events. The mask is slipping, and it’s clear to anyone paying attention.
Important Note: Mental health struggles like depression or PTSD can cause similar changes, so keep that in mind. This isn’t just about someone who has always been laid-back suddenly showing up in mismatched outfits; we’re talking about someone who used to take care of their appearance—maybe even copied your style—and now simply doesn’t care anymore.
Sign Two: Uncharacteristic People-Pleasing
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