Think back to when you first entered their orbit. Do you remember the stories they told about the person before you? Wild tales of betrayal, theft, instability. They painted themselves as a victim, dripping poison into your ears until you saw the old partner through their twisted lens. That was the smear campaign.
But did you notice what came later? A small confession. A comment about how that person made a certain meal or the way they did some little thing. The smear shifted. The admiration bled through. And now they’re running the same script again. To the new supply, you’re cast as a villain, the crazy ex. But just wait. Sooner or later, the story will bend. The narcissist will begin to slip in those old lines—what they loved about you, what they miss about how you did this or that. And the cycle spins on.
Picture the storm inside the new supply’s mind. One moment they’re told you were cruel, unstable, unworthy. The next moment they hear, “My ex used to brew coffee just like this. It was the best,” or “I miss how my ex managed the bills.” Can you see the whiplash? That constant swing between demonization and admiration drives them into confusion. They don’t know you, yet they start scrolling through your social media, searching for the missing piece. Who is this person who is both condemned and praised in the same breath?
This is the same playbook the narcissist used on you. It’s all about tearing down confidence, replacing clarity with chaos. And since you no longer stand in the room, they conjure a phantom of you. Sometimes glorified, sometimes vilified, just to keep the new supply trapped in the game.
And make no mistake, the grooming begins. The whispers grow into commands. “Wear this. Cut your hair like that. Put on makeup this way.” At first, it sounds like suggestions. Soon it becomes pressure. Soon it becomes control.
Let’s make it real. Imagine someone who once had her own style, her own identity. Let’s say she loved bright colors and weekends at country clubs. But then the narcissist enters her life, carrying the ghost of a past lover who dressed in flowing fabrics and wore her hair long and dark. Before long, friends scrolling through social media notice the transformation. The new supply’s blonde hair is gone, replaced by dark waves. Her outfits shift from preppy to bohemian. Her weekends are no longer spent where she used to feel at home. Now they’re filled with art festivals and photos that look eerily like someone else’s life.
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