You see, when you’re in a narcissistic relationship, there are many times when the narcissist senses that the relationship is starting to lose its mask and they are being uncovered for who they truly are. They want to escape, but typically they lack the courage to call it off and acknowledge what’s really going on. Instead, they remain in the relationship and purposefully make it hell for you in an attempt to get you to leave.
This is where you might think you’re going crazy because they gaslight, manipulate, and lie. They may escalate to mental, emotional, and even physical abuse, which can harm you deeply.
Even though the narcissist wants to leave the relationship, they often thrive in chaos. To them, chaos feels normal, and they would rather maintain that chaos than face the consequences of a breakup, such as divorce, attorney fees, or the risk of damaging their public image. They fear being seen as someone who failed at their marriage, and they will go to great lengths to protect their ego and image.
Often, a narcissist will stay in a relationship because, on the outside, it appears good. People think they are loving to one another and making ends meet, but inside, the narcissist is inflicting abuse.
A narcissist usually avoids the divorce process because they dread the financial implications, such as child support or alimony. They often prefer to keep the status quo to avoid any damage to their reputation. If they have a good image at work, they fear that child support payments will draw attention and lead to gossip.
To maintain their image, a narcissist may try to force you to leave. They start making life unbearable for you, doing things that frustrate and demean you. This often leads to what is known as reactive abuse, where the victim lashes out after being pushed repeatedly.
The narcissist wants you to leave for several reasons: one, because they are not strong enough to end things themselves, and two, because they want to maintain control of the situation. If you leave on your own, they can portray themselves as the victim—a narrative they can manipulate to their advantage.
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