If you are looking for signs of regret in the narcissist during the first few weeks after a breakup, you won’t find them at all. In fact, if you examine the narcissist’s social media or listen to them tell others—friends, family—you may feel like you are going crazy. They seem happier than ever and act as if a tremendous weight has been lifted off their shoulders. In the beginning, the narcissist feels fantastic; they are floating on a pink cloud of freedom. They are convinced that you were the problem, telling themselves that you were the negative one, the one holding them back. Now that they are free of you, they believe their life is going to be perfect. They are high on their own delusion. But reality always wins; what goes up must come down. The timeline of a narcissist’s regret is actually a timeline of their delusion slowly crashing to the ground.
There is a specific moment, a turning point, where the high wears off and the withdrawal kicks in. That is when they start to remember what you actually did for them and realize that the grass was not greener—no, it was just plastic grass painted over a sewer.
Phase One: The Manic Relief
Let’s begin with Phase One, which lasts from week one to week four—roughly a month. I call it the manic relief. The first month is the hardest for you, right? You are crying, looking for closure, trying to understand what happened, what they did to you, and what went wrong. But for them, this is the easiest month. This is the pink cloud phase. Right now, they feel as though they just broke out of prison.
You have to understand that a narcissist views a relationship—even a good one—as a cage. They hate accountability and despise having to answer questions like, “Where were you?” or “Why did you spend that money?” When the relationship ends, all that accountability disappears quickly. They feel a rush of manic energy, don’t they? They tell everyone who will listen that they are so happy and so relieved, painting you as the villain. They share stories about how crazy or controlling you were, not only to protect their image but also because they believe it. In this phase, they are rewriting history to make themselves the hero who escaped the dungeon.
During this time, they’re often chasing new supplies—this could be a new partner, a new job, or just a new group of friends who support them and do not know their history. To them, everything is fresh and exciting; they’re getting constant attention and praise because these new people haven’t seen the mask slip yet. The new partner thinks the narcissist is charming and funny, while the narcissist feels like a god. They look in the mirror and think, “See, I was right. I am amazing. They were just dragging me down.” They feel zero regret. In fact, they feel superior, which may seem counterintuitive, but stay with me—it’ll make sense, I assure you.
They look at your sadness and see it as weakness, while they perceive their own lack of emotion as strength. If you try to contact them during this phase to get closure or ask why, they will be cold, cruel, and arrogant. They’re high on the drug of newness and want you to know that they are winning.
Phase Two: The Reality Check
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