A narcissist has a knack for making you question yourself by flipping everything around. He’ll do something dreadful, nefarious, or cruel. You’ll tell him about it, and by the end, you’ll be the one apologizing for whatever reason. A narcissist understands manipulation better than anyone else.
A narcissist will eventually become snarky and deceive you regularly. You felt that you can’t do anything right in his eyes, and your presence is becoming increasingly intolerable. You’re perplexed. You’re unsure what went wrong to trigger such a sudden shift in his attitude toward you. You try everything you can to get things back to how they were at the start. Things will never be the same, no matter how hard you try. He isn’t the man you thought he was. It’s a terrible and precarious way of life that may drive anyone insane.
Many of my coaching clients are debating whether to stay or go, and it is a decision that only each individual will have to make for themselves, depending on their unique circumstances. However, you must base your decision on reality in order to make an educated, informed, and confident judgment. This entails being completely honest and open with yourself. When you’re in denial, it’s impossible to make a long-term decision.
So now I’m going to teach you the six things that a narcissist will never give you.
1. A narcissist will never be authentic, sincere, or consistent in his or her honesty.
If you’re debating whether to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, you should know that they will never be an honest person or someone you can rely on to tell you the truth in any manner, shape, or form. As most of us are aware, narcissists are pathological liars, and this is a trait they will have for the rest of their life.
You realize that your notion of truth and honesty differs significantly from the narcissist’s definition. The narcissist’s idea of truth and honesty is whichever version benefits them and the truth will alter as the narcissist’s needs and desires change. So just remember that the statements that come out of their mouth are never to be trusted or taken seriously. It’s as simple as that: if their mouth moves, they’re lying.
2. Have no illusions that the narcissist would ever genuinely care about your feelings or regard your wishes.
In life, the narcissist thinks about one thing and one thing only: themselves. So if your wishes and desires coincide with the narcissist’s, you’ve won. If your needs and desires do not coincide with the narcissist’s desires, I guarantee the narcissist will dismiss your wishes without a second thought. You will never be on the list of things that are significant enough to be considered.
So, if you decide to stay, keep in mind that this is a fact of life that will never alter.
A wonderful book: Divorcing A Narcissist And Other Jerks
3. Never expect the narcissist to show you any respect.
They won’t regard your sentiments, wishes, desires, needs, values, or ethics, and they certainly won’t respect your time. They consider others to be under them, inferior, or less than them, hence there is no respect in this equation.
Respect is reserved for them and them alone, and if you have any illusions that the narcissist will one day see your worth and respect you and your feelings in how you deserve, you will be sorely disappointed. They will never, ever respect you.
4. The narcissist will never accept your validation.
It makes no difference to me what you achieve, what you do, or do not do. The narcissist will never validate you, your successes, or your accomplishments. Indeed, narcissists are well known for shifting the goalposts.
They want you to be locked in a hamster wheel, going in circles, desperately attempting to attain whatever it is you believe they want from you. And, guess what, the goal post has shifted over here, and they want you to do something completely different.
To the narcissist, this is a game, and they enjoy seeing you try to impress them and give them what they want, only for them to pull the rug out from under you and change the rules. It will not validate anything nice about you or anything you’ve accomplished.
5. The narcissist will never, ever be faithful to you.
Their entire devotion is to themselves, their own agenda, and whatever they believe is best for them. It makes no difference if you’ve been married to a narcissist for 50 years. If it comes down to something the narcissist wants versus being honorable and faithful to you, guess what? They’ll abandon you and any loyalty they should give you like a terrible habit.
Narcissists are clueless for the meaning of loyalty. They are cheats and liars who will continue to steal and manipulate you endlessly. So just accept the fact that you will never gain their trust. Regardless of who you are in their lives, their allegiance is entirely reserved for themselves, and whatever they want at the time is the only thing to which they will ever be faithful.
6. They will never express their love for you.
You must understand that narcissists do not see other people, including their own spouses and children, as living, breathing individuals with their own feelings and wants. Other individuals and relationships are seen as assets by them. How can these people, or this connection, help the narcissist, who views their loved ones in their lives in this way?
And if that individual in the relationship isn’t benefiting the narcissist in the way they think it should, it should be beneficial to them. They can discard individuals and relationships as easily as a used tissue or a malfunctioning kitchen gadget. So simply accept the fact that a narcissist will never truly love you. They are incapable of truly loving another person.
To sum up, some of what I mentioned in this essay may come across as harsh, but if you’re debating whether to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s vital that you make your decision based on reality and facts. You can’t make yourself believe the fantasy you want to believe or that the narcissist is trying to get you to believe.
You must make your decision based on cold hard facts, and these are the facts. I cannot tell you whether you should stay or go; that is a decision only you can make. But one thing I am certain of is that your decision must be founded on reality, not denial. And the arguments I’ve made in this essay represent the true reality of your relationship if you choose to stay with a narcissist.
