A common theme that I hear in my counseling office is the theme of agony. There are times when people come into my office and talk with me about the pain and misery they experience, especially when they realize that someone they wanted to have a close relationship with has turned out to be very narcissistic. These individuals often express their feelings by saying, “I did my best,” whether it concerns my parents, my marriage partner, a dating relationship, a business associate, or a friend. They might say, “I had good intentions with that person, but I didn’t really know how to think like a narcissist.” As a result, they feel played, almost as if they were manipulated like a fiddle.
Narcissists are manipulators. They thrive on discovering your weak spots and vulnerabilities, and they will try to position you so that you are doing their bidding. This is what we refer to as “narcissistic supply.” They often do not care about what you think or feel. If you end up feeling hurt, angry, defensive, or disgusted, they might respond with indifference, saying, “That’s your problem.” If you tell them, “But you’re the one creating these feelings in me,” they will deny any responsibility, continuing to play their games.
Let’s dive right into it. I have identified seven mind games that narcissists will play, and I want you to understand how to respond to these tactics so you don’t end up merely playing along.
The first mind game is that the narcissist will say, “I want you to learn how to trust me.”
Often at the beginning of a relationship, and sometimes later on, they can act very friendly, showing genuine interest by asking questions about who you are, what you feel, and what you’re up to. They may say supportive things that make you feel appreciated. You might think, “Wow, this person is really into me,” so you open up about your thoughts and feelings. However, with a narcissist, this is a mind game. They are not genuinely interested in an exchange; instead, they are collecting information that they will later use against you. While they may encourage you to pour out your heart and soul, you’ll notice they rarely reciprocate or do so in a superficial manner.
8 Questions A Narcissist Simply Cannot Answer
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