This is what shame does: it tells you to hide, to shrink, or to stay small. But here’s the truth: What happened to you was not okay. You didn’t deserve to be humiliated just for being yourself. It’s not too late to reclaim your voice and your dignity. You are allowed to take up space without apology. And you never, ever deserved to be anyone’s joke.
Finally, we’re down to number five: You were the scapegoat. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Campbell, author of But It’s Your Family, explains that narcissistic parents often pick one child to carry the weight of their own flaws and pain, saying scapegoating is a defense mechanism used by narcissists to avoid facing their own imperfections.
Maybe it started small, like getting blamed for a broken plate or a sibling’s tantrum. But over time, it became a pattern. If something went wrong, you were the one punished. If your parents had a bad day, somehow you were the reason. You became the outlet for their frustration, the emotional dumping ground. And when that happens over and over, it can convince you that something must be wrong with you.
Even now, you might carry that false guilt deep in your bones. You feel responsible for things that aren’t yours to fix: other people’s moods, their mistakes, or their bad decisions. You might apologize too much, second-guess yourself constantly, or feel uncomfortable when things are going too well, as if you’re waiting for the blame to land again.
As Pete Walker writes in his book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, scapegoated children often grow up with an inner critic so harsh it mimics the parent’s voice. But here’s the truth: You were never the problem. You were simply the most convenient target. Their pain was real, but blaming you was wrong. And now you get to stop carrying shame that was never yours to begin with. Healing starts the moment you say that blame doesn’t belong to me anymore.
You didn’t deserve to be hurt or made to feel invisible in your own childhood. Recognizing these moments is the first step toward healing and finding your true self again. Remember, your past doesn’t define you.
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