Let’s talk about number two: Your success was either ignored or claimed. If you were raised by a narcissist, your moments of success probably never felt like your own. Maybe you brought home an award, got praise from a teacher, or did something that should have made you feel proud, but instead, your parents brushed it off, changed the subject, or claimed, “Well, of course you did. You get that from me.” Your achievements were either ignored completely, or your parents found a way to turn the spotlight back on themselves.
This constant invalidation can quietly teach you that your achievements only matter if someone else approves—or worse, if someone else claims credit. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Romani Durvasula, narcissistic parents often see their children as extensions of themselves, not as separate people, which means your wins were never really about you. That can leave you feeling empty, as if no matter what you do, it’s never quite good enough. Over time, this pattern chips away at your self-worth.
You might find it hard to celebrate your successes or even recognize them. You downplay your accomplishments, feel like a fraud, or wait for someone else to say, “Good job,” before you can feel proud. Or maybe you push yourself constantly, chasing bigger goals because deep down, you’re still hoping someone will finally notice.
In her book, The Emotionally Absent Mother, psychotherapist Jasmine Lee Corey explains, “When a child’s accomplishments aren’t mirrored back with delight and pride, they can feel invisible in the world.” That invisible feeling may follow you into adulthood, making you crave validation but fear attention.
The truth is, your success does matter. You don’t need to shrink yourself or hand it over to someone else to make it acceptable. You earned it. You always did.
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