That same pattern points to the real problem, which is their own inability to sit with discomfort, to build intimacy, or to handle the realities of a long-term relationship. Now, you may wonder: why do they have to think the grass is greener on the other side? Why can’t they settle for what they have in their life?
The problem is that the unknown is a lot easier to idealize. It is untouched, untested, and still perfect in their imagination, which is quite childish, to be honest. The moment reality creeps in, when flaws and challenges appear, the grass where they stand starts to look dry and lifeless—not because it is, but because it demands something they fear the most. You know it very well: what that is? Vulnerability.
You see, narcissists live in terror of their own emptiness. Deep down, they feel profoundly unworthy and inadequate, but they can’t face it. So they convince themselves that the reason they feel dissatisfied is that they have not yet found the right person, the right experience, the right life. They tell themselves, “It’s not me; it’s my circumstances. I just need to keep looking.”
But the grass always looks greener when you are running away from yourself. The moment they start feeling exposed, when a partner sees beyond their charm, when success feels hollow, when emotional intimacy is required, they panic. They blame the relationship, they blame the situation, they blame the circumstances, and they convince themselves that somewhere out there is greener grass, better people, more perfect circumstances, more perfect situations.
But the ultimate wisdom they cannot face is that the grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it. That is what I want you to think about. Narcissists do not know how to nurture anything, so it remains lifeless; it grows dry. They do not know how to invest; they do not grow things; they burn them. They are like Dementors, endlessly chasing illusions, believing that if they just start over somewhere new, it will all be perfect again.
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