This brings us to Phase Four: starvation and the hoover. By this point—around month six and beyond—the new source of supply has often run dry. The new partner may be fighting back, boring the narcissist, or has left due to the realization of the narcissist’s extreme toxicity. The narcissist is now starving. You have to remember that a narcissist cannot generate their own self-esteem; they need it from others.
When the new supply dries up, they begin to panic, feeling empty, hollow, and agitated. This is when regret hits its peak. They look back at you and rewrite history, deleting all the abuse they inflicted. They forget the screaming, the cheating, and the lies. Instead, they remember that you were always there—the one person who did not leave, even when you should have. You were the sure thing.
This is when you may receive messages from them like, “I was thinking about you,” or “I found that old shirt of yours.” They miss the connection but aren’t saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you.” They’re really saying, “I’m hungry. Feed me.” They regret throwing away the best source of fuel, feeling the pain of inconvenience. They’re lonely because they dislike their own company, and they know you are the only person who knows how to fill that void.
Phase Five: The Collapse
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