And don’t even think about going back to them after an interaction when your feelings have been hurt. They’re not the type to lovingly hold your emotions and work through them, and they’re certainly not going to apologize and recognize where they went wrong. Instead, you’ll be blamed for not being able to let things go, for rehashing the past—even if the past was just yesterday. They may give a half-hearted apology, but as soon as you dig deeper or ask more questions, the apology evaporates, and their arrogant, victim-like defensiveness returns.
By now, I hope you’re seeing that their apology meant nothing. Call them out, and watch what happens. If there’s any area they’ve tried to improve on, be aware. The only thing worse than a narcissist is a self-improving narcissist. They honestly believe that what you and I would consider a minor change is a life transformation worthy of admiration. Narcissists are self-focused, deluded, grandiose victims. That’s the narrative they live by, and they can’t—and won’t—let go of it because it would mean assuming responsibility for their actions and writing their wrongs.
If you think you can have a healthy dialogue with them and heal and grow together, I hope by now you can see that this is deluded thinking, and that hope is misplaced. Here’s the worst part: this is a train wreck you will never see coming. Narcissists can get under your skin, into your head, and burrow themselves like a parasite. They don’t even realize it.
So, what’s the surprising trap? It’s when your focus is all about them—getting them to see what they’ve done wrong, caring what they think, being blown away by another one of their selfish actions, needing to speak your mind because they just have to know. My friend, this is a trap for you. Fall into this mindset, and you’ve taken demonic bait, which will keep you trapped in your mind and emotions, consumed with setting the record straight, defending your name, and putting them in their place.
But in doing so, you’ll lose the glorious, victorious life that God planned for you. So, how do you avoid this demonic death grip? The good news is there are better biblical options than calling them out. And no, it
doesn’t involve ignoring, enduring, or enabling narcissistic behavior. It’s the exact opposite! It’s about letting go and allowing the only One who truly can change a narcissist’s heart to fight for you.
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