In the second scenario, the narcissist is the sole or primary earner. They bring in good money, and outsiders may even admire their lifestyle, but you know the truth. You have seen bags and bags of clothes piling up, and you have washed jackets they will never wear. You have witnessed them bring home gadgets, cars, decor, and luxury items while the emergency funds remain empty. On paper, they earn well and spend well, but in practice, none of that money goes toward meaningful stability. This creates a dangerously misleading illusion. Outsiders think you are financially stable and secure because they see the surface, but when a hospital emergency strikes, or a real need arises, there is nothing to rely on.
You live in constant hypervigilance, unsure of how you will handle the next crisis. You are forced to become resourceful in unhealthy ways. Why? Because their compulsive spending creates a house of cards. This overspending is not accidental; it serves two purposes: it feeds their ego through consumption and keeps you dependent because they ensure that the real necessities are never fully secured. This keeps you walking on eggshells financially and emotionally.
Sign Number Three: They Control Your Access to Money and Induce Poverty Trauma
A very common pattern is financial gatekeeping. The narcissist may promise that they will handle everything and that you do not need to work. It sounds comforting at first, right? But soon you realize that every expense has to go through them. You cannot buy basic groceries without hearing a lecture. You cannot even get your sanitary pads or a bottle of shampoo without feeling guilty. Every little thing is treated as a privilege that requires their approval. Over time, this creates what I call poverty trauma syndrome. Technically, there is money in the household; real poverty does not exist. But emotionally, you live as if you are in a war-torn zone where every resource is scarce. Your nervous system adapts to this deprivation. You shrink your needs and silence your desires, learning to ask for less and feeling shame for wanting more.
This is not just financial abuse; it’s psychological reconditioning. By making themselves the gatekeeper to your access to resources, they ensure that abundance is always filtered through their control. You stop feeling like an independent adult and start behaving like a child asking for pocket money.
Sign Number Four: They Create a Financial Fog That Keeps You Disoriented
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!