You have dealt with a narcissist, and I can almost guarantee that at some point, money was a problem in your life with them, even when, on paper, things seemed perfectly fine. You may have had a great job, earned a stable income, and appeared financially secure to outsiders. Yet behind closed doors, it felt like the money you collected with one hand slipped away through the other. No matter how much came in, there was always a sense of scarcity, anxiety, and chaos around finances. If the narcissist was the one earning, you might have found yourself living under their financial dictatorship. On paper, they earned well, but in reality, you were living as if you were broke. Every expense was scrutinized, and every basic necessity became a negotiation. You may have been forced to beg for something as simple as a $5 shampoo bottle while they were busy holding luxury items they would never use.
Money in a narcissistic dynamic is never just money; it’s a tool for control, a weapon, and eventually, a source of deep trauma that shapes the way you experience abundance long after the relationship ends.
Sign Number One: You Earn Well, but It Disappears Overnight
One of the most confusing and devastating experiences survivors report is the feeling of money slipping away the moment it enters their account. You may have a well-paying job and be financially disciplined, yet somehow, financial responsibilities, household needs, and unspoken expectations all end up on your shoulders. The narcissist contributes little or nothing while taking a big chunk of the benefits. They may insist on living a certain way, buying certain things, or maintaining appearances while you cover the costs. You find yourself paying bills, funding their projects, purchasing groceries, and even covering their personal indulgences.
What makes this especially dangerous is that it doesn’t look like one big theft; it happens quietly through a thousand little drains. Each month, you promise yourself you will save, but by the end of the month, your account looks like it has been wiped clean. Over time, this creates a financial exhaustion that makes you question your own capabilities. You begin to believe you are bad with money when, in reality, you are living in a one-sided financial ecosystem where they consume, and you provide.
Sign Number Two: They Earn Well but Overspend and Hoard
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