The next clue arises when someone positions themselves as a hero, subtly baiting you into a role where you not only allow them to rescue you but they feel elevated and needed by you. Nice narcissists excel at this, framing help offers in a way that makes you feel guilty if you don’t accept. They might say, “I love marketing, and it would mean so much to me if you let me sign your brochures,” making you feel like you’ll hurt their feelings if you decline.
The key difference is that a nice narcissist ties their emotional well-being to your acceptance, making it more about affirming their importance than genuinely helping you. It’s a manipulative technique designed to affirm their image of being kind, indispensable, and important. Once you let them in, their need for praise and acknowledgment becomes a bottomless pit. It was never really about helping you; it was about keeping you under their influence and feeding their need for attention.
By positioning themselves as your rescuer, they’re not just offering assistance; they’re exalting their status, wanting to be seen as the hero. This affirmation of their niceness and importance is their true goal. I used to struggle with this one because I was always afraid of hurting people’s feelings, and I had a hard time saying no. I felt responsible for others’ emotions and lacked strong boundaries, which made me an easy target.
So now, if I find myself in a conversation and suddenly feel like I’m supposed to let someone help me, I have to check myself. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a nice narcissist, but it does mean I’m aware that I can easily be manipulated through guilt, which serves as my cue to take a step back.
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