The next clue is confusing because, again, it seems so nice. It sounds like appreciation, not manipulation. Nothing about it seems threatening on the surface. Being praised or appreciated doesn’t normally put you on alert. In fact, if you’re good, talented, helpful, or hardworking, it seems natural for someone to notice; that’s exactly why this tactic works. Nice narcissists use excessive praise not out of kindness but as a tool to manipulate the relationship. Their fawning keeps you emotionally indebted, securing more narcissistic supply.
When talking with a nice narcissist, watch out for compliments that assume too much intimacy too soon. For instance, if your boss says, “You’re the most organized person ever; I wish I had someone like you at home to take care of me,” this clearly crosses a professional and personal boundary. These over-the-top compliments are designed to fast-track entanglement. They often use compliments to indirectly boost themselves.
Here’s the pattern: first, they elevate you. The praise is over the top, shows up early, and blurs boundaries. The compliments assume closeness or familiarity that hasn’t been earned. Then they create obligation. When you’re recognized and singled out, it feels good; you feel special, chosen, and subtly responsible to respond in kind to stay warm, open, and available. Finally, they take privileges: more access, more leniency, more time, more emotional availability. The praise becomes the reason you tolerate what you normally wouldn’t.
Putting this together, the pattern sounds like this: I see how special you are; you owe me; I get access—or more simply: I flatter you; you feel indebted; and I gain privileges. I used to fall for this because I genuinely like complimenting other people and was naive to the dark side of flattery, taking all words at face value.
Here’s how I deal with this: when I’m confused about someone, I use the tools I built into my Unmanipulatable 5-day training. Let’s say I’m dealing with a client who keeps using over-the-top flattery. They want closer access to my business, but instead of leading with what they can offer, they lead with praise. It’s confusing because they seem nice, but the flattery comes with a price, and I don’t want the client-vendor boundary to blur.
Clue #3
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