It’s important that everyone understands that this pattern isn’t just a defense mechanism; in my opinion, it’s also proof that a narcissist will never change. True change requires introspection, accountability, and empathy—all things that a narcissist is completely depleted of. The moment they prioritize manipulating the story over acknowledging the damage they’ve caused, they reveal what truly matters to them: not the truth, not the people they’ve hurt, but their ability to keep getting away with it.
And here’s the real kicker: each time they succeed in shifting blame, they become emboldened. Every time they rewrite the story in their favor and people buy it, they reinforce their belief that they are untouchable—that they are too clever, too charming, and too powerful to ever be held accountable. This is why confronting a narcissist rarely, if ever, leads to justice. If they can convince people that they are the victim, then suddenly the real victim becomes the villain, and the cycle repeats itself over and over and over again. Each time you accept their rewritten versions of reality as fact, the more dependent you will become on their interpretation of reality over your own eyes, ears, and perceptions. That is truly scary and can be detrimental on so many different levels for your mental health.
So you might ask: how do you fight back? First, you must accept that you will never make a narcissist see what they refuse to see. They will not ever have a sudden epiphany; they will not break down and realize the error of their ways. They do not care about right or wrong; they care about control. So the best—and truly the only—way to strip a narcissist of power is to stop engaging in their performance completely. Don’t argue with their narrative. The more you try to prove what really happened, the more fuel you give them to twist the story further. Let them expose themselves. Narcissists inevitably overplay their hand. If you stay quiet, their lies will eventually contradict themselves. And don’t give them the emotional reaction that they crave. Remember, they thrive on drama, attention, and their ability to manipulate emotions. Starve them of those things, and they lose their grip on you.
The only way to beat the narcissist at their own game is to quit playing the game completely. So in closing, narcissists don’t experience shame, regret, guilt, or remorse when they are caught for doing something deceitful or abusive. They experience inconvenience. They don’t fear hurting people; they fear being seen for who they truly are. When the mask slips, they don’t apologize or make amends—they rewrite history. Understanding this is key to breaking free from their manipulation, because once you stop expecting them to be anything other than what they are, you take away their greatest weapon: your belief that they might change. And once that happens, the game is over.
I often say that the most dangerous belief a victim of a narcissist can have is that there is hope. Because if you are dealing with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath, there is no hope that they will change. In understanding and truly accepting this fact, you take a giant step towards recovery and healing.
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