Think about it: you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You’re overexplaining yourself. You’re justifying things you normally do that are okay for you to do. You’re spending hours replaying conversations in your head, doubting yourself, wondering, “Did I say it right? Am I the problem?” While you’re caught inside that storm, your focus starts to slip. You start second-guessing major decisions in your life—about you, about what needs to happen next. You feel burnt out, but you can’t pinpoint what’s happening, and you keep feeling like you’re losing yourself.
At first, you think it’s just life, just burnout. You tell yourself, “I just need a break. I need a vacation. I’ll feel better once this project is done.” But no matter what you do, the exhaustion doesn’t seem to go away because it’s not about how much you’re working; it’s about how much he’s actually draining you. Every fight, every gaslighting moment, every lie is slowly breaking you down—your ability to trust yourself, your understanding, your clarity.
When you start to lose trust in yourself, it shows up everywhere. You hesitate in business meetings. You start letting small things slide because you just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. It’s almost like you start giving up. You start feeling like you’re maybe just not as sharp as you used to be. Maybe you’re not as smart as you were. And that’s exactly what he wants. Because when you’re tired, confused, and doubting yourself, you’re much easier to control.
You don’t have the energy to investigate the lies he’s telling you. You don’t have the confidence to confront him about what you’ve found out. You don’t have the clarity to actually walk away. That’s why the cycle repeats over and over again. It’s not because you’re weak; it’s not because you don’t see what’s happening. You’ve already seen it, which is why you’re here. It’s because he keeps you so mentally exhausted that you can’t even imagine the energy it would take to leave this relationship.
The worst part isn’t just the mental exhaustion; he could also be trying to trap you financially. If you’re with him, you’ve probably noticed something strange with money. Either he’s controlling the finances completely or he’s making reckless, selfish financial decisions. He’s doing different things for himself that you have to clean up. You find yourself taking care of things he should have already handled. Maybe he’s doing stuff in secret, draining your bank account with purchases you never agreed to. Maybe he’s set up another business or LLC to pull money away. He’s making investments without consulting you. Or maybe he’s just ensuring that if you ever did want to leave, you wouldn’t have the financial ability to do so.
If he can keep you financially dependent, making you feel it’s terrifying to move forward, he wins. That’s why so many women stay stuck—not because they don’t want to leave, but because they’re afraid of what will happen if they actually do. The fifth layer of deception is playing the long game. Why he’ll never admit it.
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