Why do some narcissists become so sweet when around babies and young children? Why do they become so playful, interactive, joyful, happy, bubbly, and goofy? Where does that monster in them go? Does this mean they have the potential to love, but they don’t love you because you lack something, or is there some other secret behind this change? Let’s find out in today’s episode.
Many people stay stuck in toxic relationships for the sake of their children. Survivors of narcissistic abuse who are stuck in relationships because they don’t want to leave for the sake of their children or because children are involved often say something like this to me: “Had he or she not been so loving to my children, I would have left ages ago. He’s so nice to them. She’s so kind to them. That really confuses me. That really makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong because he or she does have the capacity to love, and he does treat them better. He’s so good to them. He’s so good to my daughter. She’s so good to my son. But not to me. And I can’t take that away from my child. I can’t. I’ll have to deal with a lot of guilt if I do.”
Analyzing the situation, let’s try to put on our detective hat and analyze the situation. What this survivor of narcissistic abuse, which may be you, is missing here is the fact that the narcissistic individual in their life is driven by the need to get a lot of attention, admiration, adulation, validation, and so on. What can be a better source for all of this than children? Because they’re really innocent, they will come looking for their daddy or mommy all the time. They’ll seek them. They’ll give them a lot of attention, which is the currency in a narcissistic relationship. And they can be told anything, and they will believe it because it’s coming from their main source of support, their primary interaction with the outer world, their protector, the narcissistic parent.
Why is the narcissist nice to children? Or why does the narcissistic individual show that nice side to the child? Because the child does not have any agency yet, and that means the narcissist can fully control how this little being, this little angel, thinks, feels, behaves, and what it believes about the world, about themselves, and about the narcissist. Meaning they are prone to manipulation and gaslighting. They can’t be questioned. They can’t think differently because, as I said, it’s coming from their biggest source of support, someone they trust blindly. And that is the ultimate power for the narcissist to relish and enjoy.
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