Here’s what’s really happening: he’s weaponizing work as a smokescreen, using it to say, “This is what’s happening, but behind it, it’s not.” He knows that you’re driven. He knows you’ve seen how you show up at your workplace, and he knows that you’re ambitious and laser-focused on certain things. So, he’s going to play into your world, doing the same exact things. “You get it, babe. You know how demanding business is. I have to take care of this. You understand, right? I need to network. I need to connect with other people. That’s how business works.”
Because you’re logical and already hardworking, you don’t question it until one day you start to realize that his work isn’t just work. His networking events aren’t just business meetings. And while you’re staying up late working on everything happening at home, he’s out celebrating with someone else.
Here’s the worst part: you start to feel guilty for even suspecting him because you’ve been conditioned to believe that questioning him equals distrust—that’s what he told you. But trust isn’t just about believing the words. Trust is built on demonstrated actions. His actions are telling you everything you need to know right here and right now.
The next layer of deception is blaming you for his suspicious behavior. The best way to hide an affair is to tell you that you’re the problem. He knows you’re sharp, and he senses when something isn’t right. As a result, you start noticing something’s going on. He’s secretive about his phone. He’s suddenly dressing better. He’s hitting the gym more. He’s being extra nice to you. And you’re like, “There’s something happening. There’s a shift.” You feel it; you just don’t feel like a priority to him anymore.
But when you bring it up, he flips it back on you: “Why are you so insecure? Why are you paranoid? Maybe you should see a therapist. Maybe you need to get help. You need to work on yourself. No wonder we’re so disconnected; it’s because you’re so stuck on everything else.” Now you’re the crazy one. You’re the one second-guessing yourself, wondering if it’s just you overreacting. For a moment, while you’re lost in self-doubt, he’s getting away with everything else.
It’s not just the cheating that’s destroying you; it’s simply the fact that every single time you ask a question—doesn’t matter what it is—he finds a way to make you feel stupid for even asking. Over time, this rewires your brain. You go from a place where you are confident—you’re a high achiever, a woman who can run a business and make decisions—to someone who hesitates before speaking, wonders if she’s being too emotional, and apologizes for basic things or for things that you didn’t even do.
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