Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle significantly with their wavering faith in the Divine. They find themselves wondering and asking questions such as, “What did I do to deserve this punishment? Why was I put through this hell? Why do I suffer while the narcissist lives freely?” The abusers move on from one person to another, seemingly unscathed, while the victims cannot move on from their pain. How and when will justice be delivered? In today’s discussion, I’ll be delving into what God does to a narcissist and how justice is ultimately served when the narcissist crosses all limits.
Anyway, back to the topic. During my journey while processing the anger, I realized that my father is already suffering. What I was focusing on was the external success that seemed available to him. Many narcissists get to live long lives, taste success like no other, and have all the money and resources at their disposal. They get to use people as they please. Yes, that’s true. But what is their internal experience of it? They are deeply dissatisfied, which is why they keep jumping from one person to another. They are cold, and their hearts do not truly beat with life—they are just lumps of flesh moving about with no soul. They have everything, but they can’t feel it, taste it, smell it, see it, or touch it. They are living in the flesh but have a ghostly presence. They do not know what life truly is. In my opinion, living life as a parasite, dependent on others to feel something, is a wasted life. That is their suffering.
I don’t know if it was divine intervention or not, but during this work, I came across a few narcissists who booked sessions with me. They wanted to know how to change, how to be a different person. I asked them what it was like to be who they are. All of them told me the same thing in different ways. It may seem like they are living their lives and it looks so good, but they are suffering immensely. They can’t even face their own suffering. They have no option. Even if they wanted to go inward and face themselves, they couldn’t because it would be like dying and being reborn. The thought of such a collapse gives them extreme anxiety. Their suffering is real and profound.
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