You know logically that the narcissist is bad for you. You understand they hurt you, lie to you, and drain you, but emotionally, you still feel paralyzed. You check their social media, reread old texts, and wait for them to change back into the person you first met. To your friends, you may seem weak or obsessed, but you know the truth. This does not feel like a simple breakup; it feels like an addiction. And you’re right—this is not love or loyalty. This is a spell.
The narcissist has woven a very specific psychological web over your mind designed to keep you chasing them, even when they are treating you poorly. They have rewired your brain chemistry to the extent that you mistake anxiety for passion and abuse for connection. Today, I am going to deconstruct this magic trick. I’m going to show you exactly how they hypnotized you so you can finally snap out of it.
The Spell of the Soulmate: Hooked on the Past
Let’s first talk about the spell of the soulmate. This is the hook that keeps you stuck in the past. You know about it; you sit there, remembering the beginning of the relationship. How perfect it was. How they liked the same music, finished your sentences, and understood you like no one else ever has. You think you were twin flames. But what happened? The reality is that you did not fall in love with them or even a good version of them—because that doesn’t exist. You fell in love with yourself, not even a reflection.
Narcissists do not have a solid identity; they are empty vessels. In the beginning, they did not connect with you; they became you. They studied you, downloaded your personality, dreams, and insecurities, and then reflected all of that back to you. Why? To get you hooked. That soulmate connection? No, it was not destiny. It was a result of shape-shifting behavior. You are grieving a person who never existed, and I know that sounds painful to hear. But yes, all those things were lies, and you must see them as such because they are part of the deception. The person you are crying over was just a character they played to gain entry into your life. The cruel person standing in front of you now is not a phase or some sort of midlife crisis; that is who they really are.
Chemical Addiction: The Intermittent Reinforcement Trap
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!