But here’s a hard holy question: why does it matter so much whether the narcissist is thinking about you? If the narcissist is thinking about you, it’s not the way you’re thinking about them. You’re thinking about love, meaning, and memories—what ifs and whys. The narcissist is thinking about advantage, access, and control. So, if a narcissist is not thinking about you, that’s not a loss; that’s mercy, that’s freedom, and that’s space for healing.
You don’t need the narcissist to miss you. You need your own soul to finally recognize what you survived in this journey. The goal isn’t to prove your worth by living rent-free in the narcissist’s mind. The goal is to reclaim your worth and refuse to rent your heart out to chaos ever again. That’s why so many people talk about becoming like a gray rock in front of the narcissist: emotionally flat, boring, offering no drama, no personal details, no fuel. Not because your spirit is dull, but because your heart is now protected.
When you stop feeding their need for reaction, the narcissist goes looking for a more exciting target and leaves you in peace. You might catch yourself wondering, “Does the narcissist still miss me? Does the narcissist regret losing me?” Those questions signal that part of you is still hoping for validation from someone who was never safe. When you finally see the narcissist clearly—see the patterns, see the manipulation, see the coldness behind the charm—you stop wanting the narcissist to think about you. You start wanting distance, quiet, and safety. You’d rather the narcissist disappear from your story than reenter and wreck everything again.
Do narcissists think about you when you stop contacting them? Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. When supply is abundant and the ego is fed, you fade into the background. When supply dries up, when life gets hard, when the narcissist’s façade collapses, then your name can echo again in that restless mind—not because they’ve discovered love, but because they remember what you gave.
But listen closely: your healing does not depend on the narcissist’s thoughts. Your healing begins when you stop giving your energy to questions that keep you chained to a person who broke you. Your healing begins when you turn your eyes away from “Do I still matter to the narcissist?” and toward “What does my life look like when I stop living in emotional slavery?” Pray for the strength to close the door and keep it closed. Pray for eyes to see clearly, for a heart that learns to love wisely, and for discernment to recognize manipulation when it smiles.
The narcissist may think about you in those dark, empty moments, but your calling is not to be the answer to the narcissist’s emptiness. Your calling is to step into a life where peace is normal, where love is mutual, and where your value is no longer decided by someone who only ever loved what you could provide.
Sharing is caring!