These questions force intimacy too quickly or create the illusion of a unique bond, suggesting that your coming together is meant to be. If these questions were posed 10 years into a healthy relationship, there would be no issues. However, if I just met you yesterday and you’re already asking me these questions, that is a red flag. To be honest, 20 years ago, I might have fallen for it, but not anymore. The idea of a soulmate or twin flame creates an emotional obligation that you and this person should be together. Narcissists aim to secure you quickly, so if they can convince you that you are meant to be together, they gain an advantage in manipulation. The timing and framing of these questions are manipulative by design.
The second type of questions are the Control-Oriented Questions, such as:
- “Why didn’t you text me back right away?”
- “Who were you with?”
- “Why didn’t you invite me to your house/party?”
Regardless of how sweetly these questions are asked, the timing and motives are usually inappropriate. It suggests that they haven’t earned your trust or friendship yet feel entitled to such treatment. They may pretend to be hurt or offended to gain sympathetic access to your life, but don’t fall for it.
Closely following these control questions are the Support or Family Questions. Examples include:
- “Do you tell your friends everything about your relationships?”
- “Who do you trust the most?”
- “Do you really think your family or friends have your best interests at heart?”
These questions allow them to gauge what your other relationships are like. They are looking to plant seeds of doubt and division and assess how much influence others may have over you. The narcissist is essentially trying to determine if they can isolate you or if anyone in your life would protect or save you from them. They want to be the sole influence in your life, discouraging you from investing time, energy, and emotions into anyone else.
Now, let’s move on to the last category: Oddly Personal and Creepy Questions. These include:
- “What scares you the most?”
- “What would you do if someone hurt you and no one believed you?”
- “What’s your biggest insecurity?”
- “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done that no one knows about?”
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