The term ‘narcissist’ is thrown around a lot these days, and it’s kind of used to describe people who have any sort of narcissistic traits or somebody we think brags too much. But it’s actually a diagnosable personality disorder that somewhere around 10 percent of the population has. There’s a form called covert narcissism, which is very unrecognized; even professionals sometimes have a hard time spotting a covert narcissist. So, I’m going to dive into the traits of a covert narcissist and what to keep an eye out for, because these relationships can be very damaging. If you are dealing with a covert narcissist, it’s super important to understand a little bit about the mind of a narcissist so you can figure out the best way to function and move forward without being harmed by the relationship.
The overt narcissist might come off as huge braggadocio, loudly and verbally self-absorbed, whereas the covert narcissist might be the same way, but they don’t let it show. Women who are narcissists tend to be covert percentage-wise; more overt narcissists are male, and males who are narcissists are usually more overt, but they also can be covert, and females can also be overt narcissists. So, it’s not a hundred percent, but in general, females will present in a more covert way.
Number one: the covert narcissist can actually appear both fragile and charming. So, they might present as very sweet, insecure rather than super secure, and your initial impression, if this isn’t a family member, right, but you meet them, your initial impression will be, ‘Oh, what a nice person.’ It takes a little bit of time to see what’s underneath. One way you can begin to pick up on what’s underneath is that they might give you compliments that are a little confusing, like a kind of backhanded compliment. It could be something like, ‘Oh, you look great today; the last time I saw you, I was really worried about you,’ because what’s that going to make you think? That’s going to make you think, ‘Oh, dear, what did I look like the last time she saw me?’ So, those are comments that are meant to kind of undermine your self-esteem, while it seems like the person’s being nice. So, those backhanded statements, backhanded compliments, are a big red flag.
These are obviously very confusing to you. You might walk away thinking, ‘I know she meant to be nice, but that really didn’t feel very good.’ Other people will probably see it as, ‘Oh, no, no, don’t think too much about it; that was a compliment.’ So, that has you questioning yourself and eventually undermines your self-esteem.
Exposing the Double Life of The Covert Narcissist
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