If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or another Cluster B personality, I’m about to say a few things that you’ve heard before. Either you’ve heard these things verbatim, or you’ve listened to some variation of them. In this article, we’re going to explore seven things narcissists say to excuse their bad behavior and keep you under control. If you’re ready, stay tuned.
So, let’s get to those seven things narcissists say to excuse their bad behavior and keep you under control.
The first thing you’re likely to hear from a narcissist is some variation of “It’s all your fault.” Yes, I yelled, yes, I raised my voice, yes, I stonewalled you, yes, I cheated, but it’s your fault. This blame-shifting is very common when dealing with a narcissist or another Cluster B personality. Any emotionally abusive person, especially narcissists, has trouble being held responsible for their actions. They can do all the bad things, but if you try to point out something they did wrong, they may lie about it. If they can’t lie about it, they will make it your fault. They need an out, and you’re that out.
But if you’ve heard this before, hopefully you know by now: whatever the narcissist does, all of their bad behavior is not your fault. We all have to take responsibility for our actions, and that includes narcissists—even though they never will. So whatever they do, you didn’t make them do it. Their reaction to whatever you did is something that they should own. They won’t, they can’t, but they should own it. It’s not yours.
The second thing that narcissists often say to shift blame and keep you under control is that you’re crazy, and maybe you’re jealous. This often comes up when the narcissist is cheating. They might say, “Well, of course you’re going to act that way or of course you’re going to say that because you’re just crazy and you’re jealous.” This can even come out just when you ask a simple question, like “Where were you yesterday when you went missing and you weren’t answering my texts?” or “What did you do when you were at your ex’s house?” Simple questions that an emotionally healthy person who isn’t hiding anything would have no trouble answering. But a narcissist who is hiding something is going to turn it around on you, making it so you’re defending yourself so they don’t have to answer the question.
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