8 Rules for How to Communicate With a Narcissist Effectively


Let’s talk about eight rules for effective communication with a narcissist.

Rule number one: use their name.

When speaking with a narcissist, be sure to use their name. First of all, it’s polite. It shows respect and empathy. Two things the narcissist knows little to nothing about: It also shows a level of emotional intelligence, something else the narcissist does not possess. It shows that you’re personable and confident, all of which will throw them off. More than anything, though, it levels the playing field and demonstrates that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. So be sure to use their name when speaking with them. It’s a subtle tactic, but the impact will be undeniable.

Number two, keep it to the main point.

When engaging with someone who has a destructive narcissist personality pattern, you’ll want to begin by clearly defining and agreeing on the purpose of the conversation. And then it will be up to you to keep the conversation on track by keeping it to the main point. Narcissists are well known for sucking unsuspecting targets into mind-bending, never-ending conversations that go nowhere fast.

And these crazy-making conversations are designed to do just that—drive you crazy. By using word salad and talking in circles, nothing ever gets resolved. And before you know it, you’re defending yourself for doing and saying things you’ve never actually done or said. Never offend a narcissist, as the saying goes.They’ll remember things that never even happened. So when communicating with a destructive narcissist, be prepared to have to bring them back to the main point and keep them there.

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