The fourth sign is to hold your boundaries, even when it seems that the narcissist is throwing a fit about it. This one does not work instantly, but it does work if you’re consistent over time. So essentially, you’re training the narcissist to respect you. Now, remember that we were going to be a little bit more mysterious and not share our feelings with the narcissist, and that is going to include your feelings about their behavior. This one can be a little bit tricky because that sounds like you’re just becoming a doormat to the narcissist, right? And I would absolutely not suggest that. You don’t need to bow down to the narcissist, but instead of having the conversation about how their words or actions are hurting you and making you feel, you can use boundaries to communicate that you’re just not going to put up with it. There’s no need for a conversation. You treat me this way, and I walk away. That’s it.
The fifth way to get a narcissist to show you respect is to starve them of empathy. Now, if you may have given them the opportunity to share with you, maybe even overshare to emotionally dump on you, this is the time to stop doing that. Again, this is a little bit of a tightrope because you’re going to show the narcissist respect in the same way that you would want them to show you respect. So you’re not going to be rude about shutting them down, but you’re just not going to be the audience for whatever emotional show they have going on. Here, I would recommend politely excusing yourself. This is where time limits work really well. So you may allow them to tell you what’s going on with them and just give it a five-minute time limit so you’re not getting wrapped up in, or drawn into, whatever mess they have going on.
The next tip I have for you is to stop people-pleasing if you are doing so at all. Do not ask how you can make the narcissist’s life easier. Don’t ask what you could do for them, and if they ask you a favor, seriously consider whether it’s in your best interest to do it. You can still help the narcissist if you feel that it is in your best interest to do so. But just make sure that’s not the default and that you’re not putting yourself out to make them happy. And this also includes listening to them emotionally dump on you. So if they’ve had a bad day, we all know what it’s like when you are just fine and someone comes in with a dark cloud over their head and they’re just dumping all of their negativity and maybe anger or sadness, and it’s kind of just like they’ve got a bucket and they’re like, Here, you take it. Especially if you are a people-pleaser and a highly empathetic person, you may be in the habit of taking that bucket. But when it’s all said and done, you walk away feeling much worse; you just feel this heavy energy over you. And that’s not fair to you.
So this is another way that we end up people-pleasing, and it’s something that has to stop if you want the narcissist to respect you. This next one may be difficult for some of you, maybe all of you, but if you want a narcissist to show you respect, you have to let them win sometimes, or at least let them think they’re winning. So when you enforce boundaries with a narcissist and you start cutting them off from supply, you end up walking a little bit of a tightrope, and you may end up triggering the narcissist a little bit. And if you want the narcissist to respect you, it’s probably because you still have to deal with this person in some capacity. So we really don’t want to send the narcissist over the edge. We don’t want them seeking revenge or going on a smear campaign. That’s not respect.
10 Secrets Narcissists Keep from You
Sharing is caring!
