You’re forced to return the favor you didn’t even ask for in the first place. Here’s the messed-up part: the moment you try to set a boundary, they flip the script. Suddenly, you’re the bad guy—selfish, changed. This is called reactive abuse. When they make it seem like your reaction to their behavior is the real problem, it’s a trap. If you go along with them, you lose yourself. If you stand up for yourself, they punish you with guilt or make you look like a villain.
But listen: feeling uncomfortable in these moments doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re starting to see the truth. That heavy, guilty feeling is not proof you’re a bad person; it’s a sign that they’ve been trying to control you.
It gets worse when they finally pull out the victim card: “Everyone’s against me.” Suddenly, they’re the misunderstood victim.
“Everybody, stop. There’s no need to go along any further. I see where you’re going.”
“Adam, listen. Is there some place we can talk privately?”
“Take my office.”
No one gets them. Everyone’s attacking them. They might even cry, and for a moment, you feel sorry for them. That’s the trap. This is the fifth phrase narcissists say that exposes them instantly: “Everyone’s against me.”
This pity play is psychological inversion. They flip the script so seamlessly that you become their rescuer and your own needs vanish. The moment you rush to reassure them, the power dynamic resets. They’re the fragile one; you’re the caretaker, and your pain is quietly erased. Empathy doesn’t mean enabling. You can care without caving. Tell them, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but that doesn’t excuse how you treated me.”
As Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Free of You, says, narcissists are professional victims. The moment you start feeling sorry for them, you’re back under their control. When they feel you’re asserting your boundaries, read the next phrase, where they make you feel you’re their only ally so they can break down your walls: “You’re the only one who really understands me.”
At first, this feels special. They say it with intensity, maybe even tears. But what they’re really doing is love bombing. They’re isolating you by putting you on a pedestal, creating a false sense of intimacy. It’s not love; it’s control disguised as closeness. When you stop playing the role they wrote for you, they’ll tear that pedestal down fast.
This is the sixth line narcissists say that exposes them instantly: “You’re the only one who really understands me.”
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