A narcissist puts you in a state of psychological paralysis. They hijack your psyche and fill it with irrational phobias—fears that don’t make any sense. They turn you into a personality type that becomes afraid of facing life. How do they do this?
Number one: Fear of Happiness (Chirophobia). When you’re with a narcissist, what is the one emotion you feel constantly? Deep sadness. That sadness manifests as anxiety, panic, hypervigilance, and in many other ways, becoming your reality—your only experience, 24/7. Hope becomes an alien concept, and whenever you expect things to improve, the narcissist makes sure the opposite happens, leading to disappointment. This disappointment develops into a phobia. You stop expecting happiness because, with them, you have never successfully experienced it. Eventually, whether in a relationship with a parent or partner, you accept unhappiness as a constant companion. Your brain forgets what it’s like to feel anything else, which is why even after leaving the narcissist, happiness becomes hard to embrace. You can’t fully allow yourself to be happy because your brain doesn’t believe it will last. The constant perception of threat persists—”If I let myself be happy, something bad will happen.” So, you alienate the concept of happiness and stay in the familiar state of anxiety because you know how to navigate that.
Number two: Fear of Dependency (Soteriophobia). You depended on the narcissist physically, psychologically, emotionally, and possibly financially. And what did you get in return? Absolute terror. Your dependency was weaponized against you. First, they made you feel safe depending on them, but then they used that dependency to control you. They created a bond, then made it your responsibility to save it—convincing you that you were the problem. They gaslit you into believing you were destroying the relationship, so you took the burden of fixing everything. They made promises like, “I’ll be there for you,” but broke every one of them. How could you not fear depending on anyone after that? This fear impacts relationships after the narcissist, as the thought of becoming vulnerable again triggers massive anxiety. This fear is a trauma response—your brain’s way of protecting you from being taken advantage of again.
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