Today’s topic is about covert narcissism: what are the top seven behavioral displays that indicate you are dealing with a covert narcissist? Covert narcissists are sometimes called shy narcissists, passive-aggressive narcissists, or vulnerable narcissists. I prefer to call them “closeted narcissists” because they are much more hidden than the overt, bold narcissist. The covert narcissist’s demeanor is much more timid and concealed, but at the heart of who they are as individuals, they are the same. The main difference is that a covert narcissist lacks the aggressive, bold behaviors of an overt narcissist. Essentially, they operate in secret, while the overt narcissist acts openly. Covert narcissists are skilled at portraying themselves as victims or martyrs.
Before we delve into their specific behaviors, I want to discuss your gut instincts and intuition. You will hear me say this often: the first sign of a toxic person or a narcissist is your gut instinct and intuition about them. I cannot emphasize this enough. Almost every victim of narcissistic abuse I have ever known—including myself—will tell you they felt something uneasy about the person when they first met. It’s a feeling that something isn’t right, even if we can’t pinpoint exactly what it is.
We often get ourselves into trouble when we talk ourselves out of that feeling. We might tell ourselves that we are being paranoid, stereotypical, or overly judgmental by not giving that person a fair chance. This is a mistake. It’s incredibly important for people to trust their gut instincts and intuition—that is, truly, Mother Nature’s internal radar and protection mechanism. Ninety-nine percent of the time, your gut instinct is correct.
This is especially important for those who have been victimized by a narcissist. One of the first things I teach my coaching clients is to reconnect with their gut instincts and intuition. If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, they have actively tried to undermine your perceptions, instincts, judgments, and intuition. Often, they succeed in distorting these perceptions, so we must work to reconnect with those feelings.
I learned this early in my healing journey, with the help of other survivors. I had been so far removed from my internal feelings that I didn’t know how to identify them, and the ones I did recognize, I struggled to trust. I needed constant validation from others to confirm my feelings. In my first year of healing, I committed to listening to my gut instinct. Although I didn’t fully trust it at that time, I consciously decided to follow it. Let me tell you, I didn’t just dodge some bullets that year; I dodged some nuclear bombs.
I was targeted by three narcissists that year, and each time I met them, I felt uneasy. They were charming, and there wasn’t anything specific that made me think they were bad people, but I listened to that uneasy feeling. I was grateful I did because two of them turned out to be narcissists, and one was a sociopath. The women they later targeted faced tremendous problems in their lives. I can assure you that no one could ever convince me to ignore my gut instinct again.
Now, here are my top seven behaviors of a covert narcissist:
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!