Number five: And the last one, this is the least talked about one: grow your relationships when you feel ready. Self-help, inner healing, pushes isolation a lot, ultra-independence a lot, but that’s not how we are designed to flourish as human beings. We didn’t evolve to live in isolation. Look at your history as a human being. We have always survived in groups. Our nervous systems regulate with each other; we call it co-regulation. A simple example of that would be a mother regulating a little baby’s nervous system by holding it near her body. She doesn’t say anything at all. She just offers that motherly warmth or that look. Quite instantly, anxiety goes away, and the child feels safe. That is how we take safety cues in and how our nervous system activates that social engagement system. You are designed to grow in a community. That doesn’t mean you have to go out and party. No. What I’m suggesting is to take some time, but then don’t completely isolate yourself. You may get too comfortable in your comfort zone and think you don’t need anybody. You’re afraid of trusting others. I get it. I get it. I get it. I did that initially. But when the time comes, join groups of those who understand you, like-minded individuals, survivors of narcissistic abuse. Create gym-buddy-type relationships, low-investment, low-vulnerability relationships to begin with. Don’t jump into the dating pool, for it is a pool of sharks. No, don’t go there. I’m not suggesting that you should have a romantic relationship. No. What I’m suggesting is something that can nurture you, that can make you feel the world is bigger and there is something more to explore. Obviously, test these people. Know who you are dealing with. Look for the narcissistic signs and so on. But go out there, try to expand your world. That is how you will defeat the narcissist as well, because they want you to suffer alone. They want you to be on your own. They want you to crave social connection but be afraid of it, while they get to mingle with so many people and do all that nonsense. Of course, it’s fake, but you have to be real to yourself, and that is how you actually destroy the ego of the narcissist without ever talking to them or doing anything with them ever again.
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