You isolate a lot from groups and crowds, even from people you love or want to be around. This isolation is both external and internal, stemming from the disconnection the narcissist has caused within you. The narcissist has disconnected you from your emotions, thoughts, joy, and happiness, replacing them with misery and their voice that keeps tormenting you. Everything you say and do gets questioned by that voice, and you blame yourself. You’re afraid of getting triggered because whenever you’re around people, you’re afraid of saying something wrong and getting yelled at, screamed at, or being told you’re crazy. You’re afraid of other people’s emotions; it’s too much to notice, to work with, to deal with, to filter. That’s why you prefer isolation. It feels like depression, but you’re not depressed. It’s just that you’re afraid of getting triggered. Moreover, you’re grieving; you don’t know how to be around people. You have lost that capability. It’s temporary, but it’s true. You’ve lost your capability, and it is going to take some time for it to come back.
Rumination:
You struggle with rumination a lot, constantly going over past events and trying to make sense of what happened. This is a sign of deep sadness and trauma stuck within you. Rumination in itself is a manifestation of the freeze response. You’re always thinking, how did that happen? Why did I allow that to happen? How could I be that stupid? Why did he or she treat me that way? How could they be that bad? And then you are going over and over those memories, trying to get some kind of closure for yourself. You’re trying to make some sense of what happened to you because you’re still bamboozled, you’re shocked, and you are still fragmented internally. One part of you is struggling with the others, and you’re trying to integrate all these fragmented aspects of yours. Rumination shows that there is a lot of trauma stuck in your body, and you have been violated in all ways imaginable. Rumination is the sign of deep, deep sadness that you’re struggling with, and you do not know how to put it into words. Rumination shows that you are trying to move on, but you cannot cut the chains of the past. For you to truly overcome this, you have to learn how to sit with your body and feel the feels but in a very controlled way, in a way you can tolerate, and let go of those memories, let go of those emotions that are stuck within so that they don’t haunt you in your thoughts or in your nightmares.
5 Signs God is Showing You The Narcissist
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