Number two: They train you to become reactive. This is one of their secret tactics—they provoke your inner fighter, forcing you to constantly defend yourself. They want you to prove that you’re not wrong. Why? It serves two purposes. First, it allows them to label you as the crazy one. “Look at you,” they’ll say, “you’re the one yelling, hitting, or reacting.” They even record your reactions to show others, playing the victim. Second, it traps you in guilt, making you feel like a horrible person because you’re acting against your own values. You don’t want to be this way, but they force you to react. This conditioning might persist even after separation, leaving you overly defensive in other situations.
Number three: They train you to settle for the bare minimum. Narcissists give you very little, but occasionally, they’ll offer small gestures that keep you hanging on—this is how trauma bonding works. Most of the time, they are terrible, but sometimes they’ll be nice, and you’ll feel like your person is back. It’s a breadcrumb. But your brain exaggerates its significance, turning that tiny crumb into a whole meal. You settle for less because you think it’s all you can get. Narcissists see your staying in the relationship as confirmation that they’re not the problem. They think, “If I were so bad, they’d have left.” A smile, a text message—anything small becomes enough, showing you’re trauma-bonded.
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