Living with a narcissist is like living in a circus, not only because there is chaos and tension all the time but also because they train you invisibly. They train you to be the perfect little monkey—jumping when they want you to jump, eating, sleeping, and acting when they want you to.
Number one: They train you to believe that not asking for anything in a relationship is noble. You’re a mom who works 24/7 and needs help? Oh no! A “great” mom keeps her mouth shut, doesn’t disturb her husband, and stays up all night because he works, and the children need her. How could you be so selfish? Be a noble mom—just suppress your needs. You’ll be a great mother and wife if you don’t bother your narcissistic husband on weekends, after all, that’s the only time he gets to relax.
You might think, “It’s okay, I don’t matter. I work every single day, unpaid, but it’s noble. That’s what a good wife and mother does.” Or maybe you’re a husband who doesn’t ask for anything because your wife spends time with her friends, hosts parties, and hardly pays attention to you or your children. But it’s no big deal, because you’re the “great” dad who handles it all.
This crazy-making behavior grooms you into becoming their perfect slave. Narcissists don’t just say you’re too sensitive or that your needs are too big; they train you. It’s a process of eroding your personality and recreating one that only serves their ego. They slowly convince you that you are a burden on the family, turning your brain and intuition against you. Every time you have a need, feel tired, or want their help, guilt arises. Where does that guilt come from? It’s been planted in your head and heart by the narcissist, who has shamed and blamed you so much that you become your own enemy.
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