If you expect yourself to quickly feel better after leaving the narcissist or going no contact, without being affected by what happened in the past, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and disappointment. Why? Let me explain.
1. You Have Experienced Traumatic Brain Injury
This might sound like an exaggeration, but it isn’t. Narcissistic abuse actually changes the anatomy of your brain. In a narcissistic relationship, you are constantly in a state of hypervigilance. You’re surviving 24/7, always jumping from one survival state to another—sometimes fighting, other times fleeing or freezing.
It becomes so overwhelming that you feel helpless. The narcissist’s unpredictable abuse keeps you guessing about your place in the relationship. One moment they’re Dr. Jekyll, the next, they’re Mr. Hyde. You never really know who they are or what the status of your relationship is.
If you endure this kind of adversity for years, it’s impossible for your nervous system not to be affected. Your brain and body have had to adapt to survive. The amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex have likely changed in size, all in response to the constant stress. These changes don’t simply reverse themselves when you leave; it takes time for your brain and nervous system to heal and function properly again.
2. You Have Developed Self-Destructive Habits
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