Number three: Do you genuinely believe your opinions are facts and they supersede others? A narcissist cannot authentically answer this question because on the surface level, if you were to ask them this, they’ll say, “Oh yeah, of course, I believe my opinions are the facts; it is the reality.” But deep down, if they were to be even 1% honest with themselves, they will tell you that they know they’re making stuff up; they’re crazily creating narratives in their head and then delusionally believing their own self-talk. Essentially, they gaslight themselves first before gaslighting somebody else, so they won’t tell you the truth, which means they cannot answer this question. They’ll first convince themselves by continuously lying, and once they’re convinced about something, they will fight for it extremely well. That is where that strength comes from. People ask, “Oh, don’t they know they are lying? I mean, how come they seem so convinced?” They do that internal work. For example, if they cheat on you, they’ll justify it by saying, “Oh, you abandoned me,” when that is not what happened. And the truth is, you did everything in your capacity to keep them happy, but nothing was enough. However, for a narcissist, what they say becomes their truth. So that is what they will always choose, no matter what the evidence shows.
Number four: Why are you so threatened by my differences? Differences are appreciated in any healthy relationship because they lead to compromise. Compromise happens only when you understand each other. So differences bring you closer. You do not need to like the same things to be the same person as your partner. No, that doesn’t lead to growth; that becomes boring at a point. If there are certain differences in choices, not major differences, but they like something, you like something else, you think differently, your perspective is different, your knowledge and understanding are entirely different from what they have collected for years, that brings in a lot of excitement because there is so much to explore, to learn about each other. In a narcissistic relationship, that is the biggest sin. Though you cannot be different than them, you cannot think differently than them or believe anything else. Why? Because you are supposed to be a minion. You have to clothe the way they want you to clothe, you have to eat what they want you to eat, you have to breathe the way they want you to breathe. I’m giving you this smaller example just to help you understand that you are nothing but an extension to a narcissist, a product they created, they bought you, a trophy that has to always glitter the way they want you to glitter. You have to be nothing but a pet, you have to be a doll, an object, a piece of furniture; you have to always be in the position the way they set you. You have to move when they fill in the key; you have to dance when they pull the strings. This is what your life is all about in their head. So how come you think for yourself? How come you have an identity? Now, how dare you ask questions?
Early Warning Signs that the Narcissist Wishes To Return
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