I am terrified of death and disease. All narcissists, of all shapes, sizes, and types, have this fear. No matter how they try to act invincible, deep down they don’t even want to entertain the idea of dying one day. Now you may say everybody is afraid of death. What’s new in that? Eventually, we accept it. We accept that’s how our life ends, so what? We make peace with it. They don’t. They fight it until they can’t. They want to live in the present moment—right now—and rejoice in the power and control they have over others, delusionally believing that’s how it will be forever. But when the truth hits them, it hits hard.
How do I know? Look at my malignant narcissistic grandfather, who was a total predator. He delusionally believed he was going to be that strong, that invincible, forever. However, as he got older, everything started falling apart, and he would cry about being really strong in his youth and not having that strength anymore. He would constantly relive those memories and try to gain admiration from past achievements.
Narcissists are also afraid of falling ill. They don’t want to become vulnerable. They don’t want to believe they’ll need others or depend on others—that makes them feel really weak and vulnerable, which goes against their belief that nothing can impact them. My father has major hypochondriasis. Not saying that everyone with hypochondriasis is a narcissist—no. But many narcissists have extreme health anxiety. They’re always trying to find out what’s new in the medical field, thinking they might have this condition or that condition. They’re super obsessed with vaccinations, medicines, getting their bones and muscles checked. Yes, it’s okay to be aware and get regular checkups, but they take it to an obsessive level. They do all this just to make sure they remain in control of their lives. This shows how insecure they are. Deep down, they don’t even want to think they could have such weaknesses—they’re fragile. They do everything they can to stay alive.
The truth is, they may obsess over health-related issues, avoid conversations about health, or try to learn more about an issue, acting like they’re just gaining information. But deep down, they’re shivering because they fear they might actually have that condition. What is this? What is that? What are the signs? What are the symptoms? And the next thing you know, they’re visiting the doctor to check if they have the latest condition. This is what they don’t want you to know—they’re really weak deep inside.
Number Three: Emotionally Dead Inside
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