It’s true that the covert narcissist can be ruthless, but when you take a peek behind the curtain, you’ll see that their actions are almost always driven by fear. That little man or woman, as it may be, doesn’t want to be exposed. So instead of acting bold and brave, you’ll find the covert narcissist attempting to inflict pain upon others in incredibly cowardly ways. And if you need to see more evidence, buckle up because we’re exposing 11 tactics of the cowardly covert narcissist today. So first, let’s talk about one of the most cowardly things that people do, and unfortunately, people do it on a regular basis. Not just narcissists, but the covert narcissist is very likely to use gossip as a tool to hurt someone else. And listen, it does not take a lot of bravery to gossip behind someone’s back, does it? This is really the basis of the smear campaign. So even if a narcissist says the same thing to your face, the fact that they’re saying it behind your back when you’re not there to defend yourself is incredibly cowardly. But oftentimes, they won’t say those things to your face, and they won’t say them because they don’t want to deal with the aftermath. And there’s really nothing more cowardly than that.
So let’s look at a comment from one of you who’s dealt with this: ‘My mom seemed to be the sweetest person to random people, but when we got home, she would have a list of flaws about the people she talked to. I learned to recognize how she really felt about a person while she was talking to them. It’s like I could feel her lack of emotional attachment to that person. She’s the most venomous person I know.’ And sadly, this is often how the cowardly covert narcissist gets people on board because other people know how venomous they can be behind your back, and they don’t want to be a target of that, especially since when somebody’s talking behind your back, you don’t have the opportunity to stand up for yourself. So they can be out there spreading lies about you, and there’s really not much you can do about it. You can address it after the fact, but the more you address it after the fact, the guiltier you look. You look like you’re defending yourself because you have a reason to do so. So the smear campaign is really incredibly ugly and cowardly.
So for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Christina, and I’m a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. And as we go through this list, if you relate to some or most of it and you want some extra support, check out the link in the description for more information on 101 coaching with me.
So now let’s dive into number two, and I know that most of you have dealt with this one, and this is the duality of public and private personas. Separate public and private personas can happen to varying degrees. But when you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, you get the sense that if you were to talk about the worst of it with people who they know, maybe even casually, or even people who they know very well, those people might not believe you. They might not believe that person would say those things to you or do those things to you and act in that way because they present themselves very differently to other people, to people who are on the outside. But once you’re home, once you’re alone, you really get that abusive behavior, and it’s not okay. But the fact that other people get a different version of this person makes you feel even more isolated. And so now, when we talk about cowardice, let’s look at why someone might do this. It’s because they don’t want other people to know who they really are. They want to look like good guys because if other people knew those things about them, they would have to deal with the fallout and the aftermath. But when it’s only up to you, there’s only so much fallout they have to deal with. And they can always go on a smear campaign and make sure that no one believes you if you do start talking about how they truly are.
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