When it comes to diagnosis, there’s no difference between a male and a female narcissist. However, if you’ve known both, you’ll notice that those core characteristics manifest differently. In this video, we’ll explore 10 ways these characteristics present in a female covert narcissist. If you’re a man watching this, pay special attention to numbers one and four; you might find those particularly relatable. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
I want to start with how a female narcissist will love-bomb you, as it can differ significantly from what we see with a male narcissist. A female narcissist is often hypersexual in the beginning. Early on, she’ll make you feel incredibly desirable, as if she can’t keep her hands off you. While you might expect this hypersexuality to fade, you’ll be shocked when she completely shuts it off later in the relationship. This abrupt change can be extremely damaging to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, precisely her intention.
You’ll see how these two points are closely related when we get to number four. These are powerful weapons that a female narcissist uses against a man to undermine his sense of self, self-worth, and self-esteem. During the love-bombing phase, she’ll also be excessively complimentary, relying heavily on validation and flattery. Combined, these behaviors create the illusion that she has placed you on a pedestal, which aligns with the love-bombing and idealization phase we often discuss with narcissism. Although men exhibit similar behavior, it sometimes presents differently.
In this phase, she may genuinely idealize you, believing you are extraordinary, making the situation even more dangerous. It feels authentic, and because of the flattery involved, you want to believe it. It’s easy to fall into the trap. To avoid this in the future, be wary of hypersexuality, excessive compliments, and over-the-top validation. If she seems overly connected to you before you truly know each other, that’s a major red flag.
“Sex became a weapon and a tool of manipulation even before we got married. After that, from the moment of her most dramatic narcissistic rage until our divorce two years later, she unilaterally decided we would become celibate. In her words, it was to protect herself.”
Next, let’s discuss another red flag: gossip. While many people gossip, it doesn’t necessarily indicate narcissism. Gossip can feel seductive, as it may provide a sense of safety by revealing others’ secrets. However, if you’ve been the target of a smear campaign, you know how devastating gossip can be. It can unfairly destroy someone’s reputation. With a female narcissist, gossip is ruthless. Whether you’re considering a friendship or relationship with her, notice if she tears down her friends behind their backs while being friendly to their faces.
A comment from someone working in the entertainment industry— a hotbed for narcissists—illustrates this point about gossip:
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